Haiti.....I leave more of my heart there each time I visit!

It was a hard trip.  

I have had a hard time trying to figure out how to write about it.

I'm ready now.

I was leading the group this year.

I'm not sure why the Lord picked me.

But I can honestly say I served him the very best I could.

I'm already tearing up just thinking back......

I'm just going to get to the hard stuff first.

On the day we arrived in Haiti our group of 19 was joined by 3 other individuals.

One sweet yet quieter girl, and a father/daughter pair.

We were a team of 22.

The father/daughter pair was a delight.

Funny....loving....encouragers.

Bold for the Lord....

Loved recklessly!

We were blessed to have these people with us from sun up to sun down.

They joined us for our prayer, devotion, and message time.

They traveled to the villages with us.

They ate with us.

They joked with us.

They were one of us.

The father, Collin, was wise, witty, and bold.

He always made sure that he pointed out strengths and gifts of his fellow teammates.

We all were just in love with him.

On our last day....our free day at the beach.....we had to say goodbye to Collin.

The Lord took him home.

Our team was involved in the rescue attempt.

Praying, praising, song, scripture, and screaming filled the air 

as the attempt was made to breath life back into Collin.

The ocean swept up someone we loved.

We were transported back to MOH campus without him.

Heartbroken!

This picture was taken of Collin and his daughter right before his death.

This man imprinted on each of our hearts.

He showed us what the love of Christ looks like.

We are still all overwhelmed with thanks for meeting this man.

We are so blessed to have spent his last week with him!

This is why.....

This above picture represents the man we got to experience.

Plus, he was just so stinking goofy!

So thankful for him!

He is big reason why we all came home different.

***

Our team just got back together last week.

Many of us are still working through our feelings and grief.

Not one of us wished that we didn't go.

***

We had several first timers this year.

I always love watching those that are seeing the country through fresh eyes.

This year it felt like I was returning to something familiar.

Something comfortable.

I'm just going to share a crazy amount of pictures with you.

I can't caption them all.  

Soon I will write about WHY I go.

I am so grateful that Aubrey and Nora were with me this year.

One who I consider a mentor....and one that I am mentoring.

Such a gift!

My partner in crime....

We had some fun together!

 

And we loved courageously!

Acting out The Good Samaritan....

 I was able to serve again this year with my best friend/amazing husband(and great photog).

One new experience I had was visiting the prosthetics lab.

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!

It was created after the earthquake to help amputee victims.

Custom fit legs.

Free of charge.

Funded by:  http://www.3cordshaiti.com/

Which is located on site of MOH and run by amputee victims and family.

We got two opportunities to worship with the Haitians.

They really know how to worship!

At the end of the Tuesday night service a Jesus party breaks out!!

To see my child love on others even though she is HOT, tired, and sick of being
touched is precious to me.  (She is not a touchy, feely girl.)
She never complained.  

Not just will I never forget.....

I will ALWAYS remember!

A new sister

My brother finally did it!

He married his long time sweetheart, Tabitha.

That means I have a new sister and I am thrilled!

That also means I am a new aunt again!

I pray they will have many happy memories ahead of them!

I love how weddings bring family and friends together!

Mud Mania, Birthdays, and Buddies

We celebrated a friend's birthday at Mud mania.

It was so fun to watch.  

My face hurt from smiling!

Our friend Banks was stuck.  

He was stuck for a LONG time.

I have not laughted that much in a long time.

My girl attempting to rescue him

No luck

A staff member had to free him.

Buddies

Brothers

Little Man and the Birthday Boy!!

The lost shoe was found.

I am a Christ follower....and I take drugs.

Okay, the title may be a little dramatic.  I didn't know how to start this.  I have not been writing much on the blog. I have had posts upon posts written in my head, but I just can't seem to get myself to sit down and write.  This time....I couldn't keep it in.  I think there are some things that I need to say.

One of my favorite Mommy blogger wrote a blog not so long ago that goes against everything I am about to say.  I think it is her blog post that weighs so heavy on me.  I need to to tell my story....hopefully to speak to someone else that may be feeling weighed down with guilt or shame.

I'm going to start by saying that this last year I have felt like prisoner in my own body.  I have been having anxiety attacks.  The last 3 months they have been daily.  My chest is so tight I struggle to breath.  My back gets so tight I would find myself constantly rolling my neck and stretching my arms.  Each meal burned b/c of reflux feelings.  While it was happening I couldn't think straight and I got so annoyed which turned my family into targets.

I didn't talk about it.  I just prayed about it and told myself to SUCK IT UP!  I tried to use exersize and essential oils to help with the symptoms.  I helped a little.  A little tiny bit.

They would happen sometimes when things were stressful.  (Which means our month of homelessness transition was terrible.)  Many times it happened for no reason at all.  My social anxiety grew.  My relationship with my loved ones deteriorated.

I felt like dirt everyday.  Most the time I put on a happy face.  Not because I was trying to fake it....because I truly wanted to choose a better mood.

One day the Lord spoke clearly to me as I was crying out to Him.  (Now...I know that there are many non-believers reading this and I know the last line made you roll your eyes or a little uncomfortable.  I'm okay with that.  Yes....the Lord speaks to me.  Please, keep reading.)  He clearly said...Satan loves secrets.

That was the first time I realized that my anxiety was my secret.  The last 4 months it became worse.  Because it was my secret....it became Satan's playground.

I told my husband.....I told a few of my friends.....I told my parents......I told my sister.....
Everyone was surprised that I had been suffering so long and they did not know.

I then told my doctor.  I cried to him.  That was the first time that I said out loud that it was happening EVERYDAY.  I felt like crud physically EVERYDAY.

My wonderful gift of a OBGYN knew that drugs were not going to be an easy sell.  What he didn't know is I trust him very much and his many prayers over me when he walked alongside me through my miscarriages spoke to my heart.  When I am with him I know that I am with another Christ follower.  I trust him and I trust his care choices for me.

I left there with a prescription for an anti-anxiety drug.  He hopes to jump start the production of serotonin in my brain.  We hope to be off in 6 months.

So, I am drugged.  All of my symptoms are GONE!  I am truly enjoying my children and husband again.  I am multitasking again.  I'm extending myself to people outside my house again.  I am feeling passionate about the Lord and the people that he loves again.  The fog has lifted.

I am THANKFUL.

I am thankful that God brought Dr. Stallard into my life.  I'm thankful that there is medicine out there to help with my deficiency.  I am so so so thankful that God loves me so much to call me out on my secrets.

I am a Christ follower and I take drugs!

Baby girl is 3!!

I can't believe she is 3!

I can't believe she doesn't poop in the toilet yet.

I can't believe how easily her precious voice melts my heart.

Can you tell that her siblings like her too?