Loss

My sister just updated her blog about their loss.  My heart has been breaking for her this last week.  I feel a million miles away and it has stirred up some old feelings.  I have had some loss this last year...but yet I know that there is truly nothing I can say or do to help my sister get through this tough time.  And my loss was so different.....

In times like this I want to ask God, WHY??  But, I already know the answer......I know that these babies that are lost to us  are never ours to own anyway.  They are His.  We hope to have the privilege to care for them until our ripe old age.....but that is not always how it works out.  His plan is bigger than ours.

After my first miscarriage my WONDERFUL doctor said to me, "I think about the day when I enter the gates of Heaven and I will want to ask God 'Why these type of things happen?'.....but I don't think I will need to b/c I think at that time I will already know."

There are some sweet little spirits up there right now.  I trust that God knows exactly where they should be.

When times are hard I like the saying, "When you can't see His hands,  trust His heart."  

I'm praying for my sister and her husband.  I'm praying that the peace of the Holy Spirit will soon embrace and consume them.  I know that it may take awhile.....grieving is a process.  But God is good, and he loves us so much.  He wants to be invited into our pain.  It's just hard sometimes to truly hand it all over.  

Just a quick update...

My energy level is really low....so I have avoided the blog and anything that makes me think too much :)

Just to update you:

-Kathy's surgery was very successful.  They removed everything and there is not need for chemo!  They did cut that poor women from top to bottom....it's a heck of an incision.  She will need a good amount of recovery time, but I have no doubt she will be on the go before we know it.  That is....if she listens to her doctors and does not push herself.  Are you reading this Kathy??
Thank you for your prayers!  Please continue to keep her recovery in your prayers!

-I'm doing the single mom thing and starting to get weary.  This was Hubby's 4th week in a row on the road.  I need a break.  Combining first trimester "yucks" and no husband.....I wouldn't recommend it.  Relief is coming very, very soon!

-Week 9 of this pregnancy.  I'm dragging, nauseous, food and the smell of almost everything grosses me out. My breasts hurt and I look like a blob.  Complaining.....okay, yes I am.  But, if I get to hold a new little personality in my arms next Spring it will all be worth it!

-The kids are doing great.  Little Man loves preschool and is a little angel there.  (Yes, you read that right.....his teachers adore him and he follows all the directions!)  Middle sister is rocking and rolling in 1st grade.  I couldn't be more proud of her interest and enthusiasm with school.  Big sister is also having a great year.  Her teacher is a science freak and she is eating it up.

-Hubby is missing home but keeps so busy that I don't think he has a lot of time to think about it.  I'm looking forward to some amazing vacation we get to take someday with his flight miles :)  I actually get to go away with him next week for a few days....so I'm REALLY looking forward to that!

-So, life is good.  It will be even better in  a few weeks :)  I'm missing IL....but we will be going home two times before the end of the year so I will soon get my fix.

I have several blogs already written in my head.....I hope to have the energy to write them soon.

What moving means to me....

I had a hard time leaving Dixon, IL.  I had really felt like that could be home.  I knew that our next move was in the best interest of hubby's career.....but I didn't want to go.  Since hubby and I have been married we have moved 4 times.  Three of those moves have been for job placement.  Before I left Dixon a dear friend of mine told me that I need to look at these moves as God's plan for ME, not just my husband.  She told me that I am one that searches out meaningful relationships and that God guides me to places that I need to be.  Those words meant so much to me.  Friendship is as important to me as marriage and parenting.  My girlfriends have helped shape me into the person I am today.  Because of my need to form meaningful relationships, I have so many amazing women that I call friends.  This place I live now is no exception.

I want to take this opportunity to tell you about an AMAZING women.  She has been an inspiration for me from the day we met.  Our family has grown close to hers.....we have taken beach trips together... and she and I flew across the US to attend a Hearts at Home conference.  I feel so lucky to have her in my life and I am now reaching out to ask you to pray for my dear friend.

Kathy is a mommy to two beautiful little girls.  She has a husband that adores her.  Last year she tended to her dying father in her home until his last breath.  She lost her mother several years ago and she herself is a two time cancer survivor.  Did I mention that her faith can move mountains?

Her knowledge of the scripture is inspiring and the wise words and purposeful prayers that flow from her mouth is such a gift.  She is special.....to God......and to me.

Several weeks ago in a routine yearly scan it was realized that cancer was yet again showing it's ugly face. This Wednesday at 9:00 a.m. she is going in for surgery to have it removed.  This surgery will be a difficult one due to past scar tissue and damage done by chemo treatments.  It's expected to last 5 hours.  Her hospital stay will be 5-10 days and her recovery time is expected to be 4-6 weeks.

She is asking for prayer.  Please join me in praying for:

-Her doctors and nurses: that God will give them the wisdom to lead them in the best path to the cancer and that they will be able to remove it without damage to other areas.
-Her husband, Willie, that he will be able to lift his anxiety and fears up to God and allow the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide him through this process.
-For Kathy's two daughters, that they will find peace with those that will be caring for them and they will feel comfort in knowing that God is looking over their Mommy.
-And for Kathy-that she will continue to hand up all her worries, fears, and anxieties to her Father, that the Lord will heal her and allow the cancer to be removed, and that her recovery time is speedy and she will be back to her Mommy duties soon.

A blog was started to keep everyone up to date with Kathy's surgery.  Please check on it to see if there is any additional prayer requests.

http://prayingforkathy.blogspot.com/

God led me here.....to Kathy.  Please pray for my friend!

I read this on one of my favorite blogs today....

I've been struggling with the sin of pride.  Today this was posted on a blog I frequently read and I thought I'm TOTALLY GUILTY!  Now Lord.....please help me change my heart!

From the blog:  Resolve to Worship

Do I compare myself favorably to other "sinners?" If so, I am utterly blind to the condition and the depravity of my own heart. 

*Comparing myself to others is an addiction to self. 

GUILTY!

I heard the most wonderful sound today.....

It was a little heart beating 154 beats a minute.  

My eyes filled with tears.

Thank you, Lord!

I hope to hold this one in my arms this Spring!

I'm feeling very happy!

Please keep this little one in your prayers!

C L E M S O....N

I never knew what the fuss was all about.....

now I think I understand!  

It was such a fun day!

Looks like we may become Tiger fans after all....

Hiking Chimney Rock

We headed out for a fun day of hiking.  This was a first for our family.  

I had high expectations.

It was everything I hoped.  

We had a blast!

(At least most of us did.)

My facebook comment at the end of the day was:

It was great! We are all pooped. We will be sore tomorrow. 

Middle sister was a rockstar, always leading the pack. 

Little Man walked half and rode half in Daddy's back carrier. 

Daddy had the hardest job when Little Man was in tow. 

Big Sis complained the whole time. 

And, I LOVED IT! 

We ended our trip with homemade ice cream and a purchase of a peck of peaches from a huge peach farm. 

I love when thing go as planned!

First to the top!  She was just standing and waiting for us!

Big Sis was at wits end right before we made it to the falls.  

She decided not to join us.  

She was trying to prove a point....but she just missed out.

She regretted that decision when her younger siblings came back and told her how much fun they had.

She then decided she would go "see" them. 

Our last trail was a kid's trail full of fun and informative stuff.

Then it was time to reward ourselves for all our hard work!

And then the best part.....

Peaches....

Peaches.....

And more peaches...

It really was a great day!